3XV Season Review
This brief review has been put together with as much regard to accuracy as an MP's expenses claim, so take from it what you will. It has to said that this season's performance from the Garnock third team was “mixed”. Just like the little girl, with a little curl, when the team was good, they were very, very good, but when they were bad, they were...well, not so good. But in keeping with the reports throughout the season, this one will just focus on the good bits (and will leave the bad and the ugly to the imagination, ... and because it would be unfair to single out Davie Hutton) British Lion's coach Ian McGechan was interviewed for this review and, in an exclusive, we can report his following observations: “I was tempted to take the Slater brothers to South Africa this year: Keith has had an outstanding season and was tipped by many to pick up an award or two: if his singing had been as good as Tommy Bowe he would have been on the tour. And its a shame we've decided not to replace Tom Shanklin, as Keith would have been bunking with brother Gavin who put in serious shift game after game”.McGechan continued: “Brothers Miller, were also nearly on the boat south. Bill's determination saw him play in twice as many games this year than last and his versatility from kicker to prop would have been an example to all the youngsters. Jim, style guru, would have been the natural replacement for pretty boy Wilkins, if only we could get him out of the hairdresser.”The Lions' coach suggested other brother parings were in with a shout: “The Fettes boys are definitely ones for the future and, if he can learn to cope with the altitude sickness, Dave's runs from deep will be a real bonus next time out. Keep up the training. The Taylor's too deserve a mention (but obviously not for their training): from the loneliness of the long distance runner out on the wing, Jules' move to scrum half showed he can stand the heat in the kitchen and a few more broken ankles and he'll be another 6 foot scrum half in the squad. As for Steve? It was only really because he's Welsh that I decided not to pick him. There must be a second rate English forward who will nip in the line up ahead of this celtic tiger.”McGechan concluded: “This Garnock 3rd team has certainly given me a lot to think about. I've rejected natural born leader Ryan Jones, so Mark Haggerty was a no no despite the heroics he persuaded his charges to perform all season. Led by example, that man”. “Jim Hunter could easily have filled a hole in the pack, but his murmurings of retirement this season mean I am going to have to hold a carrot of the next tour in front of him. Ivan Stanger, a class act, but the hard pitches of the High Veldt would have been too much; it was a toss up between Andy Currie and Dave McMahon for the last wing spot but Habana and Williams have some media deal going that I couldn't undermine; Rob Johnson, nearly burrowed his way into contention and Dave the Coach Loach was to be included on playing merit, with some of the finest mid-field displays in the whole club, but his inclusion would have put my position under threat off the pitch. What can I say about John Higgins? His performance in the last away game to Cartha would have had him in as a dead cert, but injury worries mean I can't take that risk. And that's the reason why young Craig Williams misses out – but still plenty of time for him”. “There are many other names that have stood out on the team sheet: Calum Hall was in the “possibles” one of at least 10 players to perform at number 10, stand off; Harry Wallace (that first tackle away to Cumbernauld – I can still feel the impact); Adam Gibson, Andrew Masson, Stewart Anderson, Graham Lowe, your time will come: and the “probables” Alan Burns, Dougie Clark, Campbell Black, Nigel Clark, Vin Menzies your time has been...not yet fulfilled. Many more names not mentioned, I am sure and to you all, thanks for giving me so much to think about, the spirit of Garnock 3rd team will be the spirit we take on tour to South Africa. Unless we get horsed, of course, and then we'll stick to the spirit on sale in the Eg”. McGechan failed to mention the real heroes – or, rather, heroines – of the season: it simply wouldn't have happened without the Sandras. Sincere thanks ladies from all your boys. He also failed to show any humour or irony and of that.... ....two moment stand out when the team DIDN'T play: the first was when there was a “Match abandoned due to sense of humour failure”. This headline appeared when the ref for one set of opponents refused to take charge following some 'negative press coverage' in a previous match report. (We now think all refs are great and can come around for a pint anytime they like). “Match abandoned due to common sense failure” was another headline following the “Cooncil's” support for minority sports. Their cutting of a “landing strip” for model aeroplanes right across the new pitch at Loch-shore, only for that patch os short grass to be frozen overnight, made pitch unplayable one week. (Given the previous item, we also love the Council and they can come around for a pint anytime they like, too). The season was liberally peppered with many other humorous moments and some are even publishable, but are copyrighted in previous reports. The last tale to tell and in many ways summed up the season was the warm welcome given to Bill Garnock, visiting golden oldie Aussie, who turned out for the team early in the season: he'll still be talking as highly of his Garnock debut as he sinks a stubbie back home. And finally, in an interview after the last game of the season, club coach Kenny Glen noted how important the thirds had been this season: “without a thirds, you can't have a seconds; without a seconds, you can't have a firsts. You all put in a great performance, kept the pressure on for places and provided great support: you seemed to enjoy yourselves too”. Can't get fairer than that.